So recently, McG had her tonsils out and the funny thing is, right after that happened, she began to stop wetting the bed. Now the child has been potty trained since she was 3, during the day. And at night, we implemented a strict "no drinks 2 hours before bed" and "Go to the bathroom twice before bed" rule, but almost 5 years later, we are still buying pull ups or washing sheets daily for the simple fact that the girl is a dead sleeper. A dead sleeper. Nothing wakes her up. At the age of 10 months she slept through what was called "One of the worst hail storms to hit MO in the last 50 years". In the mornings, it takes, literally, 15-20 minutes to wake her up, and it doesn't seem to matter how long she has slept. But after she had her tonsils removed, she woke up in the middle of the night, 8 nights in a row, crying in pain, so while she was taking medicine and having a popsicle, hey, let's hit the bathroom. And now that the pain has subsided and she's back to normal, the bed wetting has ceased, about 90% of the time and since she just had the surgery a few weeks ago, I really am optimistic.
I tell this story because something else happened recently. I work my 2nd job at 5 in the morning, Monday through Friday (does that make it my first job, if I leave it and go to my full time job at 8am?) so M is responsible with getting McG up, fed ,dressed and off to school. Within the last couple weeks, she won't let M. see her naked anymore. She makes sure she has underwear on and closes the door to her bedroom when she's dressing. Now this, in no way, has effected my relationship with McG. She lets me in the bathroom when she's sitting on the toilet, I can be in the room when she gets dressed, she comes and talks to me while I'm getting dressed, but I'm a female. (In case you were wondering!) And she'll be 8 in 2 months. There is certainly nothing unusual about her wanting privacy from the "male", right? Absolutely natural.
But it also means she's growing up. She's maturing and that's kind of hard for me. Like it's hard for me when she asks me if I love M.
"Of course I do, I love everyone in my family"
or "Why do you guys fight all the time"
"We don't fight all the time, you know that. But families sometimes fight. You and I disagree, you fight with Daddy sometimes and sometimes Daddy and I fight." (It really isn't that much, but she seems very attuned to it)
or the kicker,
"I'm sorry I made you guys fight"
"Look at me and listen to what I'm saying. This is not your fault. Daddy and I just had a disagreement, like we talked about all families do. Do not ever think this is your fault."
And she says she understands. She's getting older and more mature, but she' s still so young.
I'm proud that I've never lied to her. That was another recent question. She fines me a quarter when I call another driver an "idiot". (Lucky for me, she hasn't actually asked for the quarters yet!) Recently someone cut me off and I muttered "Oh come on!" and McG said "Oooo! A quarter!" and I said, "No, I did NOT call that person an idiot so I do NOT owe a quarter."
She said "I thought I heard you..."
I said "Nope, not this time kiddo!" proud I had controlled myself to a certain extent.
There was silence for a minute.
"Would you ever lie to me?"
She was referring to the quarter. For me, it was about every single aspect of our lives, beyond the quarter. This was the one question I did not know how to answer.
People keep saying "What kind of lessons are you teaching your daughter about relationships, living in a house with someone with no physical affection, no "I love yous", no relationship between the adults?"
Yes, what am I teaching her. I thought I was teaching her that families come in all shapes and sizes and that we do love each other (just not as husband and wife) and we are committed to our family. And having to tell her I want out, having to tell her that this family, this home will cease to exist, it makes me feel so selfish. Guilty, sure. Sad, of course. But so very, very selfish. Being raised by a narcissist who's only concern was her own well being, happiness and worth
has made me hyper sensitive to this question. Okay, it's Saturday, I'm going out with friends. Dinner, a movie and home before midnight. McG is in the capable(ish), safe hands of her father, and I had spent the day with her, running to the library, the grocery store, talking, laughing, singing at the top of our lungs in the car (music is a deep love we share), so why in the hell should I feel guilty, because once or twice a month, I go out on my own? I shouldn't. But the images of my own mother going out, drinking and coming home smelling awful, bringing strange people home, parties at 4 in the morning, come flooding back. I am not my mother and I know that. My child is not going to become a sociopath because I get a divorce. And taking care of my own mental and emotional happiness does not make me selfish or a bad person. Yes I know, I know! Everyone says the same thing.
But go find someone you love so deeply, it almost hurts and try telling them that the life they know is about to end. They are going to have to move, they are going to have to get used to new situations, new emotions, a whole new way of life. Now tell it to someone who hasn't even lost all their baby teeth and let me know how it goes.
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