The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. How many of those do we get? Go to google and put in "The first day of the rest of my life" and click images. It's picture after picture of happy people, smiling, pets are involved. This picture, I'm not sure of its significance, but it came up also and it looks like the road has rain on it, so it made me smile. But that's what I feel like...today is the first day. Today, I am going to eat only what is on my food plan. Today, I am going to start yoga. Today I am going to read by Big Book. Today, I am going to clean out my closet and I'm not going to be impatient with me child. Why? Because today is the first day of the rest of my life. Today I will be kinder and more generous. Today I will EXERCISE!!!! Today, I will meditate and become centered. It's a concept just dripping with optimism. Nothing is outside my grasp...nothing is beyond the realm of possibility. Today is the first day of the rest of my life...today is going to be perfect...

There is my problem. Today is NOT going to be perfect. Today is going to get screwed up, by some idiot on the highway, by some jackass I live with, or...most likely...by me. And once my expectations have not been met, then I will abandon my lofty goals and I will resume my old patterns...many of which are not the best for me. I won't look forward, I'll get bogged down in the past or in the comfortable or in what I'm used to. I'm not going to break out of my comfort zone once I have to face that the first day of the rest of my life was crappy on some level.

So today, just for today, not forever, not for the forseeable future, just for today, I am going to accept that the first day of the rest of my life will be fraught with peril. (What an awesome phrase!) Today, the first day of the rest of my life, I'm going to do SOMETHING better than I did it yesterday. Today I am going to try and do something I didn't do yesterday. Today I am going to make an effort to improve my life a little bit. Today I am going to focus on something I need to get accomplished and work hard to make that happen. Today I am going to thank God for my health, the health of my child, the health of those I love and pray for the world. And when bad things happen, I will make an effort not to blame God. Today, I am going to breath. And I am going to forgive myself. And I am going to live.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. But you know what? Everyday is the first day of the rest of my life.

The first leg

In my own defense, THIS is a picture that came up when I googled "Road Trip" images. And also, I wanted to give my zero readers an image of what I truly look like on my current road trip.

McG is 8...someone said what a wonderful memory for her and I...her first real road trip. But how much will she actually remember? So I figured I should get something down. I mentioned in yesterday's post how much I love road trips. Getting in the car and driving...one of my absolute favorite things to do. I'm not going to say I'm a big travel person overall. I tend to feel very displaced when I get home after being gone and I can't say I like my memories spread out all over the place, but the actual act and process of getting in a car and driving...absolute heaven! So we rented a car. Showed up with our reservation and left the lot...an hour and a half later, when people who were supposed to return their cars the Sat before actually started showing up. (This was Monday morning!) But the trip to Cincinnati was smooth. Even having to drive through Illinois. But it's all America and maybe the rest of the world looks like this, but I like to pretend that it's just us. Now anyone who knows me knows I'm not a great patriot by any means, so it's odd that city skylines and dilapidated barns and trailer parks with broken down cars in the front yard, green rolling hills and bleak looking industrial parks and bland, pedestrian suburbs fill me with a sense of wonder and love of this country. I've never claimed to understand it, I just try to go with it.

I wanted to show McG some places I grew up, places I hadn't been in 20 years or more. (How is that possible?!). So we hit the open road towards Cincinnati. McG was obsessed with telling everyone she was going to "5 states!" If you count Missouri, she now has. We got to Cincinnati and I realized that we had lost an hour and began to grumble at the stupid car rental people who did NOT change the clock in the car. Later I realized hey! we are in a different time zone! Okay, moving on...

But we had the experiences of the disgusting road side bathrooms, even using a men's room in 1 case when I seriously thought I was going to explode.

We hit the school, the apartment, the house just over the river in Covington. We did not partake in any famous Cincinnati chili, as I have moved away from my murderous carnivorous ways and McG said she didn't like chili or chili dogs, so we passed. My mother will never forgive us, I think!

So we rounded out the day with a trip to Florence Mall (Florence Y'All for any natives) where I tried tofu (see previous post) and McG, in an attempt to expand her horizons on her first ever road trip, partook of McDonald's Chicken Nuggets!!!!

We ended the day at the Motel 6 in Florence KY. The Motel 6, it turns out, with no air, so they suggested we open the window. The window with no screen, right next to the elevator. The window that anyone could walk up to and reach into if I open it more than 1/4 of an inch. The elevator that dings really loudly, regardless of the window being open or not. The Motel 6 in the general vicinity of the area 3 armed and dangerous convicts were last seen I found out this morning. The Motel 6 with the slightly seedy people walking up and down the stairs. And as I found out this morning, The Motel 6 with zero hot water. No matter how long you let it run.

And I'm not saying any of this with any sense of bitterness or regret. (Okay, a hot shower would have been nice!) This is what I'm going to remember, all these things that make it special. This and the sing a long to the High School Musical 3 soundtrack as we passed the exit to Terre Haute, IN. I'm going to remember eating tofu while my daughter put stickers on her McDonald's Toy. I'm going to remember her in a pair of huge, heart shaped sun glasses in Effingham, Il. I don't know what I'll see or remember about today, Day 2, the last Day. The day we head out to Indianapolis to the Children's Museum before heading home. But it's a road trip. I know I'll remember something!

A New Life

How does one celebrate a new beginning? How do you put your mark on the period of time in which you feel refreshed and renewed and ready to take on the world? Why, by partaking in coagulated soy milk of course!!!!

On Ash Wednesday, I officially became a vegetarian (will continue after Lent, thought) but in 39 years (39 years last Thursday) I had never tried tofu. Had heard good, had heard bad, was intrigued, was nervous. While fairly open minded, as a compulsive overeater, I hesitate to "waste" my meals on something I may not like. This is why I never eat fish in restaurants. If I am eating out, then I am not going to waste the experience on fish...but I digress. Anyway, had the tofu...to step back from congratulating myself too much, it was seasoned and I had it on a bed of rice with black beans, salsa, cheese and guacamole. Honestly, I can't think of much I would turn down, if it was covered in guacamole, but I did take a taste of the tofu by itself and it was good. Consistency of a baked egg kind of. Fluffy. (Next up? Soy chirizo I bought on Friday!!!!)

Anyway, this is something on my list of things to try and do. And truth be told, it's one of the easier ones. I don't know the time and expense involved in learning to fence...I do know the time and effort involved in training to run a half marathon...I know the odds of becoming published...I have learned, lo these many years, the odds of finding someone with talent and skill to teach me to play tennis...tofu, though, represents something to me today. It represents a step into the direction in which nothing is off limits.

Things have shifted, for a number of reasons. I'm going to be 40 in 361 days...I see the end of my marriage in sight and I see a light at the end of the tunnel (and for once it isn't a train!!!). I have remembered parts of myself that I had forgotten (good sex is involved in this discovery...but that may be a different post).

And I feel like, for the first time in a long time, that there is something with me, something bigger than myself helping out. My Higher Power/God/Invisible Cloud Being is dealing me a solid and throwing me a bone. Right now, I'm in a good place on my journey. And that's what I've come to view it as. A journey. I've found some people to assist me on that. I'm working on getting rid of some. But it all feels open. My journey will hit some bumps, no doubt...but for the first time, possibly ever, I'm enjoying the ride.

Today I got in my car and drove with McG on a "girl road trip" for no other reason than to get out of town. I LOVE road trips, always have. Traveling by car is by far my favorite way and I told McG that she will be a fully developed "Road Trip Chick" by the time we're done. We sang Sweet Home Alabama, we used disgusting road side rest rooms...J. pointed out that she can't truly be a "Road Trip Chick" until we've showered in a truck stop. And to be honest, we have not partaken of any jerky products, but hitting the open road, even through Illinois, just makes me feel so free.

Someone asked a friend of mine (and it's a big question in 12 step it seems), "What would you do if you had no fear". I don't feel like fear has really stopped me from doing much. It's more the "No time" "No money" "Other things take priority". I need to start being my priority. I can still be a good mother, a good worker and make myself a priority.

So I tried tofu. Now I just need to track down a sword...