A quick side note, go to google, click image search and type in suck. Quite an array of images will appear! :)
So I am officially, for the time being, done with sucking. I am done with whining and getting all stressed out, especially about things that have been stressors for how many years? (Hi Mom! Hi M!)
For today anyway, (and that's all I can focus on), I am done. Does it feel nice to unload and bitch and moan? Sure. Especially in my 12 step meetings where I feel unconditional love and acceptance. But eventually even this will begin to diminish if I do not have 1 positive thing to say when I open my mouth. I'm not being negative, necessarily, as much as morose, depressed and frustrated. Eventually, people are going to start thinking "OMG, suck it up!" What does it matter what anyone else things? Maybe it doesn't matter. But I've started thinking "OMG, suck it up!'
Yesterday I went on a 5 mile hike in a state park with a friend. I used to hike quite a bit, but haven't in many years. I had forgotten how much I love it and just the joy of being on this gorgeous trail with other people there for the same reason, was enough to snap me out of my (seemingly endless) funk and look around and just appreciate what I have in front of me.
It's a balancing act, accepting my feelings and emotions as valid but at the same time, not getting so bogged down in them that I begin this long, self pitying cycle. I tell (okay lecture and cajole) my mother with the knowledge that every single day there will be an excuse to smoke a cigarette. Every single day there will be an event that she can manipulate into a justification for picking up the cancer sticks so why not work on getting the tools to deal with all these events without smoking? Uh...wow...give other people unsolicited advice you should take yourself, much?
No comments:
Post a Comment