A Day that is Different

People don't reply to my emails as often as I think they should and this hurts my feelings! Am I being petulant? Yes indeed, but there it is! I want to email and communicate with people. I want them to be desperately waiting for me to contact them. Needy and desperate? Absolutely! Becoming my mother? Scary but entirely possible.
I believe in God and God believes in me. The Sunday School I teach had that song on its DVD. Why don't I turn to God more? Why don't I immediately do that? My sponsor wants me to write 2 letters daily. 1 to God and 1 from God to myself. And I always feel better when I do that. So why don't I do that? Maybe that is something to explore later.
Today, I haven't eaten anything. Yesterday I weighed myself and I had put on some weight. How much weigh? Irrelevant! If I start listing how much I weigh, how many days of abstinence I have, inches lost, clothing sizes on this blog, then it becomes my old blog. And I want this to be different. I want a day that's different. (My favorite sound bite of OA so far, besides It's none of my business what other people think of me!) I want a life that is different.
I had the most vivid dream last night. I was about to die. On death row. I had a lawyer there, I had Mark there, oddly enough I had Becky from my office there and I was so panicked (I mean who wouldn't be!?!?!) but I was desperately trying to write something to Megan and I was trying to figure out what I had done and they all looked at me like I was trying to pull something over. But in the end, it appears I killed some doctor over liposuction! I woke up before I was actually taken away. And I had never been so grateful to wake up in my life! It sounds crazy I know, but thank you God. I am grateful I am not on death row! But if I really want to stretch this, I am on death row in a way, if I don't constantly strive for a life in recovery, with God at its center. Oooo, "sarcastic me" really wants to mock "deep, thoughtful me" but I won't! Because its true. Thank you God, for everything. Today, I want to follow my food plan, I want to exercise, most of all, I want to feel connected to you. Amen.