Numbers of Insanity - Part You Know What

No numbers! I haven't measured my body, although honestly, I only do that every 6 months or so. I still haven't weighed myself on the scale. I've even stopped measuring my food, and that seems to be okay. My higher power is in charge of my food plan. I rode bikes yesterday with McG and did NOT go back afterwards, in the car, to see how far I had gone so I would have that number. I was at the gym and did some cardio for about 20 minutes. I looked at the distance and calories burned, but I didn't write it down or frantically try to add it to the distance or calories burned from using the machines or the bike ride when I got home. How many calories am I consuming? No idea. I'll talk to B. about that tonight.
Even not listing any numbers on this blog is a new behavior. Looking back, I realized I did list a number when discussing how much weight I had lost, but I'm not going to edit it. It's in the past and it was an approximate number anyway.
But it feels like breaking free of these numbers is becoming easier. I've also stopped looking up my first meeting date in the Thursday night sign in book and writing it down. Inevitably I lose it anyway and it doesn't matter. How many days or months doesn't matter. How many calories or pounds doesn't matter. How many dress sizes or miles doesn't matter. I was abstinent yesterday and I plan on being abstinent today. That is all I can focus on. And the way today is different from many days in the past is I'm not just saying it and wanting it to be true, even though I really feel it isn't. It really is true. For me. For today.
Dear God,
Thank you for relieving me of the bondage of my numbers. Thank you for allowing me to live my life with reasonably normal feelings and behaviors although I am in no way a normal person. I remember that I have a disease and that I am abnormal, and that these wonderful feelings do not cure me of my disease. They are merely gifts from you and I hope to continue doing to leg work to keep these gifts in place. Turning everything over to you will, I hope, allow me more peace. I also pray, now, that you'll help me to pray and turn to you more, even when I'm not in a panic mode. I want to work on turning to you as a regular part of life, not just when I'm grateful or in trouble.
Love and Amen,
Shannon