The Experiment of May

So in an effort to completely devoid my life of all numbers, I have been for the month of May, not counting my calories. I am still off sugar, wheat and soda, I still measure things to a certain extent so I know I'm eating a serving. What I'm trying to do is get in touch with my body and figure out what it needs and wants. I eat when I'm hungry. But new part time 2nd job is messing up my times a little, but I am not letting it mess up my food. But there is a number. A magic number. I'm not going to mention it, but there's a number the scale needs to read on 6/1 if I'm going to deem my experiment a success. And the thing is, in the past, I would never have thought about doing an experiment like this. 6/1 might come and I may have put weight on. That would be unfortunate and my Higher Powers way of perhaps telling me I need to keep better count of my calories, and that's fine. In the past, I would have mourned the passing of an entire month without weight loss. I would feel devastated by those 31 days gone and my body is the same or bigger. But now, I want to try it and see what happens. To see if exercising (which I need to do more of) and trying to get in touch with my body will help me lose weight. And this "magic number" is not a large number. It's a reasonable number, and that is also new behavior. If I miss it, I miss it. I'm not getting crazy. I looked at the numbers in a very general way, over the long term and realized what was healthy and doable and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I am at peace, at this moment, with the numbers. Teeny, tiny desire to weigh in tomorrow, since it's the mid point of the month, but I am not going to do it.
Found out that there are subcategories of food I can't eat, within categories I can. I can eat cheese, 1 ounce at a time in total moderation. Unless it's this very soft, mozzarella cheese they put with tomatoes in restaurants quite a bit. If I get 2 pounds of that, I will eat 2 pounds of it within 1 day. I can eat cheese, just not that cheese. Same with chips. I can measure out exactly 1 serving and eat it and be fine. But today, I realized that I can't do that with Trader Joe's root vegetable chips. They are so good and I eat the entire bag if I buy them. That sucks, but there are plenty of sub par chips in the world to eat I guess! :)
2nd real date scheduled (and not technically by me!) and as of yesterday, I am the proud owner of an IPOD. Got to spend the evening with my beautiful girl, just the two of us. The weather wasn't wet for once! Life is okay.
Thank you God, for everything.