Different behavior is odd. It’s kind of unsettling, even if it’s for the good. Lately, I’ve been having a lot of cravings, a lot of food calling, and I don’t think that this is happening necessarily because anything is going on, but it’s calling and I’m craving and for whatever reason, I am not picking up the food. So good, right? But I’m not used to that behavior. I’m used to picking up the food when I have the bad cravings. There have been times in the past few years, when I’ve had a bad craving and I’ve called my sponsor or someone else in program and I’ve worked my steps and I haven’t picked up at that moment, but then usually, later in the day, I would pick up. If the cravings were that bad, I ALWAYS picked up the food. And now I’m not. I’m feeling my cravings, I’m feeling deprived, I’m feeling shaky, but I’m not picking it up. And it’s weird. It’s not joyous and triumphant. It’s not particularly devastating. It just is what it is, I guess. And it’s weird.
When I was pregnant, I kept hearing how great it was to be pregnant. How natural and beautiful it was. To me, it just felt weird. And I was thrilled to be pregnant, don’t get me wrong. But the idea that there was a human floating around in me, was never a natural feeling. That’s something out of a sci-fi movie! There are no people there 1 minute and the next boom, there are! How? Oh my body expelled them! Yeah, that's normal!
I keep saying I want a day that’s different and now I have it. And any new behavior, good or bad, is going to be an adjustment to my perceptions and my equilibrium. As long as I don’t use feeling slightly off balance as an excuse to start eating, I think I’ll be okay.
Dear God,
Please let me remember, today and everyday, that the feelings I have can be experienced without turning it into a trauma and using them as excuses to binge. Let me remember that I have many areas of consistency in my life, the greatest being yours and that I can lean on that when things get shaky.
Love,
Shannon
When I was pregnant, I kept hearing how great it was to be pregnant. How natural and beautiful it was. To me, it just felt weird. And I was thrilled to be pregnant, don’t get me wrong. But the idea that there was a human floating around in me, was never a natural feeling. That’s something out of a sci-fi movie! There are no people there 1 minute and the next boom, there are! How? Oh my body expelled them! Yeah, that's normal!
I keep saying I want a day that’s different and now I have it. And any new behavior, good or bad, is going to be an adjustment to my perceptions and my equilibrium. As long as I don’t use feeling slightly off balance as an excuse to start eating, I think I’ll be okay.
Dear God,
Please let me remember, today and everyday, that the feelings I have can be experienced without turning it into a trauma and using them as excuses to binge. Let me remember that I have many areas of consistency in my life, the greatest being yours and that I can lean on that when things get shaky.
Love,
Shannon
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